how to gain 15 pounds in a year

I just finished a great meal, with a nice beer. ahhhhh. So my dad and I started arguing about a beer fact (i dont know why i even try) and i decided to check it out on the internet. I found the website realbeer.com and started reading about beer and its diuretic properties. By this time i have a coffee in hand and as i take my first sip i read that coffee and beer together amplify those properties as both serve nicely to empty you out. Suddenly I feel the urge to "go" but i decided to hold it and read on. Here is some of the beer information i found out:

If you drink one 12 oz can of beer a day without changing your eating habits or exercise regime you will gain 15 pounds in one year. who figures these things out anyway? this guy must have missed the ONE beer a day quota...

There is actually a beer being made for dogs! It has yellow food coloring and beef boullion and is served in some pubs. which brings me to the legless dog joke, who's owner was asked his dogs name, to which he replied he doens't have one he can't come when he's called anyway! awww poor buddy. Lets see...there is a controvercial beer out there this holiday season that pictures an elf using a slingshot to hurl christmas ornaments at santas sleigh. they weren't going to put it on the market for fear that it would disturb childrens views on santa.

That Hite beer must not be too good....um, and lastly becasue this is getting way to boring, they say that the "beer goggles" phenomenon where ugly people seem beautiful because of being a little tipsy, is aided by a few other occurences such as the amount of light in the room, how smokey it is, the drinkers vision, and how far you are away from the person. So if you have poor vision and enter a smoke filled dimly lit room, beware of the person in the back corner giving you the eye. possibly they have one of these......
and for your listening pleasure: the belch